I need to speak to someone in Human Resources

This Mom Job doesn't come with paid sick days and that is NOT working out.
I've been so, so sick this week...fever of 103 for 3 straight days (that's with Advil and Tylenol around the clock), dizzy and a sore throat. (I finally went to the doctor yesterday and have been put on antibiotics for strep) Luckily, Kyle's bff Lukas has had him over to his house for about 10 hours/day, every day this week. He's had a splendid week.
Then there's Kelly. She's been stuck at home w/me...laying on the couch in agony. There's popcorn in the cracks of the couch, broken crackers all over the floor and about 1300 sippy cups everywhere because I'm too sick to find the one I'd filled up earlier. I thought the worst part was witnessing Kelly eating a bagel out of the trash the other day. (I was just too sick to get up and take it from her. And besides, that meant another good hour of not having to make her something to eat, right?) Overall, she's been GREAT this week, considering. I even lugged her along for my 2hr doctor ordeal yesterday and she was so patient and good. (I, however, wanted to just lay down the entire time)

But today she reached her limit. While she was still happy and cute, she was into EVERYTHING. She threw every single dish in her sippy cup drawer into the sink. That might not sound so bad, but if you'd smelled the organic growth that was happening in there.....Yeah. So I got to wash every single plastic dish. She got ahold of a pen and wrote all over her blankie. She's look at me, smile, and pour juice on the couch. It was obvious she needed a day at the park. That's when it all happened. I suddenly realized it was way too quiet for way too long. I found my little girl squealing in the bathroom and knew we were in trouble. She'd taken a cup out of the bathroom trash and was DRINKING THE TOILET WATER!!! And if that wasn't bad enough, remember I've been sick all week, so it's not like I've cleaned the toilet recently. And if THAT wasn't bad enough, it was with a cup that had raw egg whites in it!!! (Jehremy uses egg whites in his hair. I know. And I still married him) She's done gross things before (licking the ceramic tile walls in the bathroom of Target, for one) but this takes the cake. If this girl doesn't die of the plague, she will end up with one amazing immune system.